Fears.

I have decided to list them.  So I can get over them.  It is high time I kick this blog in the ass.

#1.  People will judge me and label be as an unappreciative, close minded person and wife.  (I am not, by the way.)

#2.  I will be wrong sometimes, and I will sound like a fool.  (I will, and it will be fine)

#3.  People will think I am crazy.  (Hard when you’ve been told in many ways by the people closest to you that you are… when you clearly aren’t.  And, by clearly, I mean… well you’ll find out)

#4.  My marriage will survive this and I will regret things I’ll say in this blog.  (I don’t believe in the cliche that you should never say anything you’ll regret.  That’s bullshit.  We say things we regret all the time.)

#5.  My marriage won’t survive and this blog will haunt me!  (I am easily haunted)

#6.  My marriage will remain stagnant and I will be writing this blog for the rest of my life.  (No…. I WON’T.)

#7.  No one will read it.  (So what?  It’s for me, not for you… well… that’s not true the entire thing started b/c I know there are plenty of angry bitches out there just like me!)

#8.  I will get stronger.  (The stronger I get, the more sense life makes.  The more sense life makes, the more happiness I know I can have… the more I know I can have… the more I want.)

#9.  I will look like a coward who just can’t leave.  (He really is a wonderful man.  I am just utterly unsatisfied and unwilling to accept his lack of interest in growing with me.  I just want to be loved in little ways and big ways and all the time.  I want to feel loved.)

#10.  I fear that I am truly 50% of the problem.  I know I am part of the problem, but I’m wildly convinced that after all my therapy and self-help, I must only be 20% of the problem now.  That 30% cost me a pretty penny.  And, they really are quite pretty when you really look or photograph them.  😉

That is enough fear.  Time to write.

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About Ellie

Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. ~Saul Bellow To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward. ~Margaret Fairless Barber, The Roadmender View all posts by Ellie

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